Clearing my head for a new journey

No, no, I haven’t dropped out of blogging before I’ve barely gotten started. I have been taking just a little time to clear some clutter out of my head after making what I would call a pretty big life decision. A little over a week ago, I quit my pharmaceutical sales job to pursue my culinary aspirations full time. Taking this leap is something I have wanted to do for quite some time but had to build the courage to do so. And even though it's only been a bit longer than week since making this decision, looking back I am amazed at how long I traveled dutifully on the road of keeping a job/career that I really did not enjoy – 11 years to be exact – because of the monetary stability it offered. Don’t get me wrong, monetary stability is a very valuable and important reason to keep a job, especially considering our uncertain world and economy. But at what cost?

I can certainly say from experience that staying in a job/career that does not bring any measure of joy or fulfillment ultimately drained my ability to experience joy and fulfillment in the other parts of my life. There was always this nagging voice of discomfort clouding my ability to see clearly at times and often tainting my everyday life as I struggled to make myself fit a job and persona that was not innately me. So the cost to me became greater and greater – a clouded and uncomfortable present existence and resentment that I was not doing something I enjoyed and longing for the opportunity to do so. Add to that a heaping supply of guilt: guilt that I didn’t want to keep the job when so many people are unemployed, guilt that my husband had to listen to me complain, guilt that I was letting my job unhappiness steal the joy from the beautiful life I have and share with my husband, and the guilt list goes on and on.

But I don’t want to dwell there, because I am starting a new chapter and looking forward to all of the possibilities that lie ahead. This fall I'll attend culinary school full time to achieve both culinary and pastry arts degrees. This new journey toward culinary school actually began with a seed planted in the fall of 2009. As the years have gone by, my love for cooking, baking and sharing my food with others has continued to grow; steadily demanding more of the space in my life. I knew I wanted to learn more, but cookbooks and cooking magazines were just not quenching my thirst for more in-depth knowledge and the yearning to make my culinary passion more than just a hobby.

Well, knowledge is certainly power and learning that the local community college had a culinary program proved to be the fuel that powered my path (and watered that early seed) to where I am today. I would never have even known that the community college here in Houston offers both a culinary and pastry arts degree had I not had a chance encounter with a woman who sold me my first cast iron pot. I met her the first time at Williams-Sonoma then ran into her again at the Le Creuset outlet many months later, in the summer of 2009. It was there she told me she was attending culinary school. I assumed, however, it was one of the two culinary programs I knew about but to my surprise and delight, I had not heard of the community college program and, a very important detail here - that they offer evening classes.

As soon as I returned home I sent an email to Bobby eagerly telling him about my discovery and immediately after, I began to search the college’s website for information. Within the next few days I was registered for my first semester of culinary school in four evening classes. It would prove to be a grueling 16 weeks, working full time and spending my evenings in class – but it was invigorating, quenching and enlightening all the same…that small seed that was planted already received a good boost of growth and quite a bit of joy was growing as well. Although I have only taken a few classes since that first semester, due to a job that threatened to keep me from nurturing that new found hope, my desire to pursue culinary and pastry full time kept swirling around in my head, getting steadily louder and more unwavering to my attempts to say, “maybe in a few years.” After two years of internal struggle, finally, I have allowed my dream to have a full voice that will not be hushed by guilt or fear.

I am so excited about what the future holds, with all of it’s uncertainty and unknowns. And I am incredibly fortunate to have this wonderful opportunity at this point in my life. At 41 years old, I am both too old and too young, to wait a second longer to pursue my culinary aspirations. It has been an uncomfortable couple of years getting to this point, but well worth the journey. I’ve had to take a very close look at what is important to me and not let what society might think I should be or do, deter me. And I have realized to an even greater depth, the wonderful, loving and encouraging husband to whom I am married.

Making this decision was by no means easy. I gave up quite a bit. But what I have already gained emotionally, psychologically and spiritually, have already proven to me that is was most definitely the right decision. I am relieved, unburdened, excited and full of joy. And I am eternally thankful and blessed to have so many family and friends cheering me on. Now I guess it's time for me to get myself back in the kitchen!